Beside But Not Beholden

Sometimes you have to stand on your own two feet. You have to wash your face, and pull yourself together, and decide for the day that you’re going to be exactly who you want to be. Nothing more, nothing less. And that may mean getting up earlier. That may mean running harder and working longer and eating one less little sweet, and treating yourself well. Better. With more pride. Because ultimately the day is mine for the taking. I can wait around for others to fall into place, to step up, to change me and my life. Or I can take the reigns. And carry on. On my own.

Beside, but not beholden.

I decided today not to wait. Not to pace myself. Not to see what happens, but to actively make something – some things – happen. Because I want control over all that I can because ultimately I have very little. And that’s so frustrating.

I suppose, at the end of the day, I don’t have anything to lose. Except maybe a little sleep. I can wake up tomorrow and be exactly who I was today. Or, I can wake up tomorrow and be the me I want to be. Impassioned and productive. Opportunities will come and doors will close and windows will open. That will always be the case with some better streaks and some worse. But in the mean time, there are things I can do. If I want to be a writer, I can write. And more than that, I can dare to submit my writing for judgment. Put it out there for the world to see. And if I want to be healthy, I can run the extra mile. Eat a little less. Walk a little more.

In a small space, in a small world, with days only getting shorter and the rain on the brink of downpour, it has been all too easy to slip into complacency. I can wait on the world to spin my way, wait on life to happen. And I have. But it’s not what I want. It’s not full to the brink and spilling over. So I will wake a little earlier, push myself a little hard, climb a little higher, and have the life so full and productive that I envy only myself.

Game on.

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