My heart is tired today.
Tired of being torn between two incredible places.
Tired of not feeling at home.
Tired of waiting.
Tired of limbo.
It’s exhausting to feel ungrounded. Draining to not know where I belong.
I want a time out. A trip home. I want to fall, however briefly, back into the arms of family. Back into adventure. Back into belonging.
But I know if I do, it will be that much harder to leave again. And its not up to me. I don’t get to choose. Not this time. This time its up to the universe to unfold as it will. It’s up to us to take notice of the potential. To chase it down. Nothing more.
I only hope I can find the grace to do so.
Because I can’t quite find it right now. Right now I’m just tired of the limbo. Of not knowing where we will land and not feeling the freedom to choose.
And I’m sick of convincing myself that it’s a win-win.
It may be. But it’s also a loose-loose. I can see it both ways.
So in this moment, I ask for optimism. For patience. For grace.
Not from any god. I’m not petitioning any better being. This is just between me and the universe (and any curious reader, of course). This is just me asking for energy from energy. For karma. For perspective.
For the grace to be patient in limbo.